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| the world is something big something strange something different. ..... the world is cruel the world is sweet the world is that and this and all there is in between...
As the days go by it is amazing to me how my life has gone i can't understand the path it has took .. 3 years ago i would have laugh so hard if you told me i would be a mother.. i never thought that would be a good idea. but here i am with a one year old.... this weekend was a roller coaster.. of emotions .. i was depressed to so happy that i didn't know what i was going to do... i realized that ERic has the key to all of those emotions .. he can say one word and change my whole outlook on the day.. that kind of worries me that he has that ability....
but it is gonna be ok ...
i need to be creative again i need to feel the wind in ;my hair again and think wow.... i can change the world again... that is what i need... i need to lose WEIGHT>>>>> i am never going to lose this with eric and his need to eat out and eat nonfoods... i don't know what to do .. i do like most of the yummy food he wants to eat .. but most of the time they are not good for you ...
.........
I am sad.... because i really wanted to go to that concert ........
I feel like somedays i just need to go for it.... then i remember that i have a 1 year old... and i can't .........
I feel Calm knowing that in all reality everything will be ok ...
......
i feel strenght in books poems, and love songs.. that rock me to sleep at night...
.......
i love to hear deep words in song.
.........
this is me
.........
is this you ?
........
i love the way you smile at me wishing........
........
i dont ever have to finish a note cause i always will remeber how it feels, how it smells , how it tastes,
........
Dreaming is just a way of living the unreal....
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or Living is just another word for Dreaming.....
.......
Did i tell you i went to my little princesses dance rectial ..... oh wow she was just wonderful... she is the sunshine.... Rhi... i wish i could be there always everyday... i don't want you to ever feel like i wasn't there .. that he wasn't there... i wish i could tell you how i feel ..... i wish that i could take you for ice cream on a hot day... you are growing so fast and i feel like we are missing it ..... it breaks my heart everyday ..... but then i go visit and i don't want to leave ... you are a beautiful child with such spirit... such strength and one day i hope that you will understand.. and know that i wanted to be there every minute of every day..
I talked to my son .... he graduated Elem. On friday.... i really wanted to be there but i couldn't take off work .... plus he lives so far away....
i wish i could tell him all the things that i want to tell Rhi... these children mean the world to me ... i don't ever want them to feel alone... and i want them to always know that i am there for them.......
Ewan... MY ANGEL>>..
you are my baby boy.. i love you so much .. and nothing in the world will keep us apart... i will always be there for you .. And I WILL Always be your MOMMY>>
I am going to set and listen to this music.... and feel calm.. and full of hope for the next day....
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| i want to be ...
the mouse in the tea cup....
the last flame of the night .....
the pennies on the table...
the kiss after a long trip...
i want the world to spin when the camera flashes....
Every thing white and gray fading in ...to color...
i Want to be ...
the first bite of a blueberry muffin..... warm... sweet ....perfect...
the first rain drop on a baby's nose.....
the feel of waking up outside...
i want you
your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what's best when I don't know.
And when you're lost I want to find you.
And when you're weary I want to give you star hopes ,cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
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| Im No depressed in the least but this song is kind of true... for some reason...... I mean i have alt on my plate the past year .... i want this .. but as my birthday gets closer i am starting to freak.... I mean Good God i am only going to be 20 and i have all the Responsibility of a 35 year old...... .... i don't think i got more than i can chew but there are days when i wake up and i am like woo... what do i want to do today and then reality hits me like a ton of bricks and i realize i have to be an Adult Person... it scares the shit out of me.. thinking that this is all there is in my future..... i know i need to have the will power to get my hopes together... but it is like everything is against me doing something meaning ful in my life ....
yea i LOVE MY SON < HUSBAND AND OUR LIFE>>>> but some days .... I FREAK OUT>>>> i am sure everyone who has responsibility can understand my seniments..so yea.. I love this song it is really helps me get thru some of my crazy moments...
Stand in the Rain By SuperChick
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS]
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain | | |
| well i am content again... or was i ever not... it seems like fall always makes e want to write like crazy but i never know how to make it come out.... lets see Halloween was fun.... we dressed Ewan up as a chil pepper... ok you know what fuck this lets try something else all together .. old school i write words that mean stuff to me but don't to you .. cars that don't go ... bad boys helping out..... selfish family... sick photos////// October... rush.. thoughts dreams pumpkins that sit still no smiles . cards on the desk . wrong adress .red fuzzy outfits with wings and broom trees, meat balls camp fires... margarita headache laughing on the couch . in your arms till dawn . smiles.... cold empty pockets ...... scarlett cheeks sore throats..... lieing on th couch waiting till late... buring buildings across the way ..gas tanks almost ful... a baby learning to clap ..... driving people crazy he is gonna be walking soo... Being a month away from my 20th b=day is crazy to me i can't honestly believe that i think i havent' done enough yet... to be this old.... i wake up most days happy to be here. but there is on day ..that i have to admit to myself that i say what if.. i did this or that.... it makes me crazy why do i feel i m ust tell the world my life .. or is this for me for me to see my life in years to come??/ i I understand why it happens i do now... How high school can become all you were ever good at.. and i am gonna say taht ten years from now pray taht i am not still thinking about school and what happened to me in that short 4 years of my life .. ...... dum de dum.... i better say i have lost my mind cause i am happy.... Alley.... Megan//// MeggieBear ^_^ | | |
| Does your Blog ever fasionate you ??/
myn does me .. i love to read my past . and say wow.. i was so navie at the time.... or man does things change... so fast....
i guess....Birthday...
i didn't see mom....
i went to dinner with just mimi and eric
and i went to the movies with a friend, and eric.....
hum... oh my cake was pretty.. it was an oreo cake...
lol..
yummy jason ate about half of it..lol
+++++++++++++++++++++
So i am Having a Baby in MARCH>>>>>
isn't that great..
i am so excited.... you would not believe..... i guess that explains why i was so sick .. earlier this year.. goodness...
so yea.. Eric and I are beside are seves with joy...
lol we still don't know what it is a boy or girl.. but .. i should know soon.. like tuesday soon!
anyways i got to go take a shower.. love
ya
Meggie Bear
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